Another wise quote from my friend Kristin...
"And yes, you have Izzy, but that doesn't take away the pain that you don't have Bubble Toes or Zoe. What people don't understand is that one child cannot ever replace one you lost. It's not like having one means that it's okay to lose others."
I've heard how lucky I should be that I have Izzy and that everything went well with the pregnancy, labor and whatnot. To be honest, I want to slap those people. I DO love my Izzy and I AM grateful to have her. But, like I said. I HAVE 3 CHILDREN!!! There are NO replacements for Zoe or Haven. A child is a child. I know people have good intentions, but do they THINK before they speak? Really? Again, is that supposed to bring me comfort? It doesn't. I'm in pain - emotionally, mentally, spiritually and eventually physically. Instead of providing me with well-intended words that actually hurt - provide me with an ear and a shoulder. Let me cry. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to understand. You only need to be there. You only need to care. You only need to acknowledge my three children. You only need to let it be what it is.
And as for God. I don't blame Him. He didn't take Zoe or Haven from me. I know that in my heart of hearts. I DO have questions for Him when I get to heaven, though. The biggest one being...You can't intervene unless asked, Lord. But, I asked. Others asked. LOTS were praying and believing that this time would be different. Medical intervention happened to support it. My body failed me, yes, as it has before. But You could've intervened and You could've healed me. YOU have that power! So, why didn't you? My faith is not gone, I still love God with all my heart and follow Him to the death. But, do I trust Him? My trust is shaken.