Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Update on Health

Hello again. It's been awhile. :) Sorry, I couldn't resist. As you can tell, my spirits are a little more upbeat and lifted since the last few posts. That's because after the D&C, I physically healed pretty quickly. I can't say that I emotionally have caught up to that, but I'll get there in due time. Some days are better than others. I can tolerate a good conversation about what I've been through, be happy for another pregnant person, etc. other days, I just can't contain it.

I was in Target on Friday when the lady next to me was checking out at the same time as me. The conversation between her and the person checking her out were all about babies and how mommy was doing and how happy everybody was. As I mentally had a conversation with myself about NOT breaking down in the middle of a Target check-put line, my totally innocent check-out person looked at me with a big smile on her face and said, "There's been an awful lot of baby showers lately. It must be in the air." I was mortified. I forced a smile and swallowed back tears as she handed me my receipt and told me to have a nice day. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "Yeah, in the air for everyone, but me." Instead, my eyes started to well up with tears as I pushed my cart as fast as I could outside. Thank the Lord above that it was snowing and crappy outside. Sounds weird, doesn't it? But when you are walking in weather like that, your focus is to make it to the car as quickly and safely as possible.

On the flip side, I had a lovely conversation with another woman Saturday (at a bachelorette party no less) about what has happened. She experienced a similar situation about a month ago. I guess maybe that conversation brought me peace and was easier.

At any rate and for whatever reason, the point is that the physicality of this literal hell on earth experience is diminished and I couldn't' be happier. That alone is reason to rejoice!