Sunday, January 6, 2013

...But It's Not My Fault.

I love when God gives me a theme and then confirms it later.

Remember my theme for this year? No excuses!

Well, today my church started a new series, titled, "Losing Our Buts" and is designed to help us get rid of our excuses. Today was about, "...But It's Not My Fault."

I've been thinking a lot this week about my excuses, as I've tackled and conquered exercise challenges that I never thought I could do.

"I'm too tired"
 "I don't have the time"  or "No time is convienent"
"It's too hard"
"I just don't want to"

But the one that I feel like God is having me examine is... "I have endometriosis."

Before I continue, I must disclaim that this post may rile a few feathers among the endometriosis community. My intention in writing what I'm about to write, is not to make anyone feel bad or guilty, nor is it to diminish the amount of the pain and severity that one faces while dealing with endometriosis. The thing about endometrisosis is, is that it affects every woman differently. What works for one woman to reduce her pain levels, may not work for another woman. And the level of pain itself, can be felt more severely by one woman and less severely (or in some cases, not felt at all) by another. This is not a competition. This is not me saying, "I have the right answer". This is not to condemn those with endometriosis that aren't doing what I am. This is simply share what is working for me. And to share, what God is doing in my own personal life. The fact that I have this disease and am able to do half the things I'm currently doing, is a testimony in and of itself to His greatness. And, for me, that's what it's all about. To glorify the name of God. And maybe, just maybe, in my sharing and in my vulnerability, someone's life can be changed by them deciding to give Christ a try.

With that said...

So, I've worked out the past 5 days in a row. I honestly can't tell you the last time that's happened or if that's ever happened. Not only that, but I've managed to do workouts and endurance and push myself harder than I ever thought I could go.

Now here's the real kicker... The past 5 days are typically my most painful and debilitating days of my cycle.

How am I able to do this then? Because God is helping me do it. There's really no other explanation. And in the doing, He is also helping me to grow and challenging my thought patterns. Real change doesn't happen, unless we can gain right thinking.

Have I been tired? Yes.
Have I had to sacrifice my time? Yes.
Did I think I could do it? No.
Have I always felt like doing it? No.

Have I been in pain? Y.E.S.

But, here's the deal. In the movement, it reduces my pain level. I, personally, am able to reduce my pain level a great deal, just by what I eat. But, I've discovered these past few days, that I can further reduce my pain level and PMS symptoms, by moving my body. It's actually been kind of a break from the pain. Just this morning, as I was standing during worship at church, I had a shooting pain radiating down my right leg. Did it cross my mind that I shouldn't go to the gym because of the pain? Yep. Did I listen to that voice in my head? Nope. And guess what? I ran a 5K in 32:58!

Is endometriosis my (or your) fault? NO.

Is blaming my endometriosis for my lack of eating right or being active going to get me anything other than feeling stuck and helpless? NO.

In fact, it's motivation. Endometriosis takes so much from us girls, but it doesn't have to take everything. It only takes from us, what we let it take, mentally I mean.

This disease is straight from the pit of hell. Which means, it's from our enemy, Satan. Which means, I'm going to direct my anger at the right place... at the one who came to kill, steal from and destroy me. And this is what I'm going to say... YOU CANNOT KILL MY JOY. YOU CANNOT STEAL ANYTHING MORE FROM ME. YOU CANNOT DESTROY MY HEALTH AND MY QUALITY OF LIFE ANY LONGER. GET BEHIND ME, SATAN! NO MORE EXCUSES!

I believe, with all my heart, that what Satan has created for evil, the Lord is using for good.

And THAT is why I write this blog.