Tuesday, February 12, 2008

She's Having A Baby

So today my friend, Jen, finally went into labor after being almost a week overdue. Poor thing - I feel her pain; my own daughter was 4 days overdue and I was induced 3 times! In light of the glorious event, it makes me recollect my own experience of finding out I was pregnant - a 6 a.m. "pee on the stick" reading of "I can't tell if there's one line or two". After a few hours of asking EVERYONE I ran into if there was one line or two (a unanimous two lines wasn't enough for me), calling the number on the box and retaking another one with the same results - I finally concluded, "Oh my gosh! I'm pregnant! Wahoo!" The whole experience is such a cool unexplainable thing. My favorite line from a movie is, "There were no people and now there's people" - stated by Michelle Pfeifer's character in one my favorite movies...The Story Of Us. Really, can our peon of little brains comprehend this miracle? It blows my mind! How can you experience the conception, growth and birth of a baby and NOT believe in God? I just don't get it! My conclusion is...every able and willing woman should experience this at least once.

Now, to all of you women who are unable, my heart goes out to you and may you know that I feel your pain, too. After having my daughter, I developed PCOS and endometriosis. I experienced a miscarriage of my own when my daughter was just 6 months old. I told myself I was okay with it, being I didn't want to be pregnant with a 6 month old! But really...how can you NOT be effected by something like this? If you believe in life at conception, like I do, then that's a member of your family that you just lost. We named our unborn child, Zoe, which means life. It was funny to me that many of the pro-life people around me continually stated, "It wasn't really a baby" or something of the sort. Are you kidding me? Isn't this slightly hypocritical? And aren't most pro-life people Christians? And don't Christians already have a bad rap for being hypocritical? And is this phrase supposed to be some unthoughtful attempt to try to make me feel better and dismiss my Zoe, like he/she didn't exist? NO! My Zoe lived, for 20 days in my womb, a fetus was forming! God's miracle was there!

Which brings me to another thing. Why? Why, God, wasn't Zoe able to live longer? What was the purpose, Lord, of your 20 day miracle? Was I supposed to learn something? It's okay to be angry with God. To not understand why. These are the sorts of questions that helped me find my faith and strengthen it. All I can say is this...please know, that the story of God and the story of our lives and the story of this world and Satan and all that it encompasses, is so much greater than we can ever fathom. So, do me a favor...don't try to put God in a box. Don't try to blame God for everything bad thing that happens in this world. You don't understand it and neither do I. But, Is God to Blame? Really?