Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Moment of Realness: Post-Baby Blues/Guilt

The great thing about having a blog is that you have a place to come and write and let it all hang out. A place to expose yourself and also to ask for help. That's what this post is about.

I started to feel the post-baby blues a day or two ago & I'm keeping a close watch on it, because I had postpartum depression pretty badly with my first daughter.

But, today's tears feel different than hormonal release.

Today I feel as though I'm mourning.

Every since we brought the baby home, I've had very little time with my first daughter. I started thinking today about how much I miss my first daughter. I miss the time we used to have together. I miss the bond we shared. I miss her being my only child. I even question if I did the right thing by giving her a sister. As I type this and admit to these things, tears are falling down my face. The guilt and sadness I feel about this are overwhelming. And the few moments when I do get to spend time with her, I can't stop crying because I feel so upset. We've had almost 5 years together, just us and her. That's a really long time. And now it will never be that way again.

Is this normal? Have any of you other mommies of 2 (or more) felt that way? Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me it will be ok. Please tell me I won't lose the bond that I share with my first born.

Thanks for letting me be real.