Sunday, August 15, 2010

Just Like Jesus

Recently I've felt like I was on a roller coaster ride in my relationship with God. Being diagnosed with an illness with no cure makes you question your faith. There are times when I get so angry that I want to say that The Bible/Christianity/God are all BS fluff to make people feel good. But the truth of the matter is this... if I decide I don't believe in God, then what's the purpose of my life? What hope do I have left in my being healed? The answer is none. God is my hope. So in the "mountain" times of my current roller coaster ride, feelings of guilt come based on what I said/did in the "valley" times. I'm currently halfway between a valley and a mountain. The feelings of guilt had started to come, but luckily, the Holy Spirit never leaves us. Through a conversation with one of my best Christians sisters, I discovered a verse that made me realize... I'm just like Jesus, and if Jesus asked it, then it must be ok! I've asked God time and time again to heal me, but to no avail thus far. That's where my guilt lies... in the asking. Matthew 26:39 says - Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." HALLELUJAH! Jesus asked for his suffering to be taken away, too. However, the answer Jesus received from God, is not one I'm ready to accept.