Breakdown

So, I just had a bit of a meltdown/breakdown. Just crying in bed all by myself. I don't know if I've been naive or just denying all that my health issues are and continue to be. Though this surgery is supposed to make me feel better (physically and emotionally), it's actually doing the opposite. I'm getting depressed just laying around each day, but as I tried to do today... my body isn't ready for me to go full speed ahead back into life. In my boredom, I decided to start researching all I could about endometriosis and reading postings from others suffering, too. While this should bring me comfort, it made me fall farther down the rabbit hole. I feel helpless and hopeless and depressed. This condition has no cure... it's like cancer, only it won't kill me, though I sometimes wish it would... it would be easier. The reality of it is, the doctors don't know shit about endometriosis or how to handle it. So, they just keep operating to get rid of it. Reality is... I'll be having surgery again someday... likely even more than once. And just when I'm at the point of saying, "Screw it. Take it all out and let's be done with it" I find info that tells me that even a hysterectomy can't keep the bastard away. THERE. IS. NO. CURE. I'm stuck with this for life. What am I supposed to do with that?!